Game of Thrones Impressions: Season 2

You can find part one here.

Episode 1: The North Remembers, or, Setting Up

Stannis seems a very disagreeable fellow. Did he pick his council from the cast of a horror movie? Everything about this guy and his camp is creepy. Ned wanted this guy to be king?

Rob Stark is smart enough to look for allies. He is on an exponential likability curve.

Tyrion is never more likable then when he's putting down the other Lannister's. 

I really hope they end up killing Craster the Fantasy Fritzl.

Episode 2: The Night Lands, or, Incest and Infanticide

Who is this well spoken man in the cage talking to Arya? Does this show have a Hannibal?

Theon's family is even more annoying than he is.

Maybe I misjudged Stannis, now that I know he's on board the Light train for practical reasons he's much more likable. Though besides being annoying Melisandre, Stannis's religious nut job, seems very out of place in this show. Everyone else is a complex mix of good and bad, and then she walks in with her gloomy fanatic talk and creepy leitmotif. If she was a man she'd have a mustache to twirl.

Really John Snow? You lost to Fantasy Fritzl?

Episode 3: What is Dead May Never Die, or, Teaching Arya is Bad for Your Health

Cersei is really starting to lose it. Guess she wasn't as up to this game as she thought she was. Too bad, her efficacy was her only likable feature. Also, she has other kids? Is this the first time they were introduced, or are they that forgettable?

Wow. Sansa. I thought her and Tyrion's Chief Executive Prostitute were going to be friends. Then Sansa opened her mouth. It's amazing how quickly she destroyed the sympathy I'd developed for her.

I'm not sure how I feel about about Renly yet. I feel like he could actually be a good king if he didn't seem so naive.

Arya's really making a habit of losing likable teachers.

I don't think Theon is capable of a good decision.

Episode 4: Garden of Bones, or, What the Hell is That?

Alright, I hate Joffrey. He is the worst.

Qarth is refreshing. An oligarchy. Things run so much more sensibly when ideas can be questioned. How many times in this show has something gone horribly because no one can directly question a kings decision?

When I said the Melisandre was from a horror movie I didn't know how right I was. Now we even know which horror movie: Rosemarys Baby

Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal, or, I Still Don't Know What That Thing Was

Renly would have been a good king. Being sociable and nice isn't a liability in a king. so long as one can have those features without naivety or weakness it's an asset. Something none of these other grim and dour kings seem to understand.

Fantasy Hannibal is back and is indeed a Hannibal.

Episode 6: The Old Gods and the New, or, Joffrey Gets Slapped

Theon what are you doing. This is the most awkward occupation ever.

Why doesn't Arya have Fantasy Hannibal kill Tywin? Even though that would make a little sad, he's a surprisingly likable old monster.

Poor Sansa. I was enjoying the riot till she got cornered. She may be annoying but she really does not deserve all the shit that keeps happening to her. I like The Hound. Of course, it would be hard not to after that.

I really don't care about Qarth. I believe because Daenerys doesn't really know what she should be doing there. Characters having muddled or uncertain goals can be fine for the short term, but having them stay that way is antithetical to good drama.

Episode 7: A Man Without Honor, or, This Occupation Got Dark

So I had John Snow pegged as one of the heroes of this show but eventually he's going to have to do something other than get captured. On the flip side, I like Ygritte. She was generic before, but now she's got some ideals. Or at least pretends to. Freedom. 

Whelp. So much for the oligarchy. 

Holy shit. Theon. What have you done. 

I don't believe it. Those kids can't be dead. There was too much left to their story. It can't be that hard to find a couple child size corpses in Winterfell, maybe he found some and burned those.

Episode 8: The Prince of Winterfell, or, Hodor Lives!

Hodor lives! Though, Theon isn't any less reprehensible. I think killing two defenseless orphans ranks about the same as killing your brothers.

I can't believe Catelyn let Jamie go. I mean she's always been a little dumb, but this. Man. I thought she was going to stand guard with Brienne. Or cut something off to appease the blood thirsty crowd. Giving away your only bargaining chip is not how you get your daughters back.

I officially like Stannis, but I like Davos the Onion Knight even more. An onion is definitely the best sigil. Pretty sure it's the only useful one.

Episode 9: Blackwater, or, Saving Private Tyrion

The Hound rocks.

Surprisingly for the big climactic battle scene no one of any importance died. Except possibly the Onion Knight. I hope he comes back.

Episode 10: Valar Morghulis, or, This Show's Got Ninjas

How on Earth did Fantasy Hannibal the Magical Ninja get captured and sent to the Night Watch in the first place? I guess I need to stop calling him Hannibal, he was never the serial killer I thought he was. As much as I wanted Arya to go with him and learn the tools of the trade it's probably for the best that she didn't. Arya's teachers haven't had the greatest life expectancy.

Why don't Stannis and Melisandre just make another shadow thing to kill Joffrey? Is there a range limit or something? This is the problem with magic. If you give it rules it kills the mystery, but without rules you wonder why it can't solve every problem.

Maybe I just have brain problems, but there's two things about this finale that don't make any sense to me. Firstly, when Danerys got to Qarth she had like 30 guys. They made it seem like they were all killed when her dragons were taken, I thought all she had left was Joreh and her one Dothraki bodyguard. But then at the end she seems to have a whole troop again. How many people does she have? Did she take some of Qarths people? With their entire council dead it's probably a good time to find some recruits. Secondly, I thought Winterfell was surrounded by Starks and the 20 pirates took up Rob's offer to surrender Theon and go home free. But then the kids wake up and Winterfell is burned with nary a Stark troop to be seen. Was it Greyjoys outside the wall? Theon said he looked at them, I think he would have recognized Greyjoy banners. Were they flying false banners as an elaborate practical joke? That seems ... Costly.

So at the end of this season, Tyrion remains the main hero of the show. John Snow's been demoted on account of doing absolutely nothing. I really like Rob, Joreh, and the Onion Knight. The least likable person is obviously Craster. But, among the main cast that award goes to Joffrey. Him and Cersei seem to get more awful by the episode. 

It really is remarkable that there's someone I like on every side. Except the Greyjoys. Nobody likes the Greyjoys.

Click here for season three.